This is my asshole antenna. You're coming in loud and clear.

Something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow.

Welcome to the land where you can get sunburn and frostbite...

All moms gave birth to a child except my mom. She gave...

Sure, Boss, I will add that to the pile of shit I ain't...

Don’t dance like no one is watching, dance like someone...

I love being a bitch! The hours are great and there's no...

Whenever I get mad, I just remember, "Prison Orange" is...

Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of...

One day big butts will be in style and I can say "I've had...